(Jesus said) “When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father—the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father—he will testify about me. And you also must testify, for you have been with me from the beginning. All this I have told you so that you will not fall away. They will put you out of the synagogue; in fact, the time is coming when anyone who kills you will think they are offering a service to God. They will do such things because they have not known the Father or me. I have told you this, so that when their time comes you will remember that I warned you about them. I did not tell you this from the beginning because I was with you, but now I am going to him who sent me.” John 15:26-16:5
I’ve been angry lately – and I’m not one to hold back on my feelings, especially with God.
On Monday, as I was driving to work, I decided to open up about it with Him. I laid out everything that I was angry about – going back quite a long time, to be honest. I ended it with “And most of all, I’m angry with myself!”
Remarkably, I didn’t cry. But I felt a little better. Then I said “What am I supposed to do, Lord? Who am I supposed to be? What is my purpose? What is my mission?”
I wallowed in lots of self pity for a while, then put on my daily podcast, Pray As You Go. Follow this link to the podcast for Monday, May 7.
First we hear a song, then the bible passage – which I have listed above (John 15:26-16:5). I was still wallowing, sort of focusing on the narrator, but mostly in my own head. Then the narrator started talking. Here’s what she said:
“Jesus warns the disciples that a time will come when they will be persecuted, thrown out of places where they thought they were safe. At what times in the past have I met opposition or criticism because I stood up for what was right?”
At this point I literally said, out loud “Shut.Up!!!” (not in a “you need to shut up” way, more in a “I can’t even handle that this woman is speaking about what I just talked about with God. What the heck is this???” way.)
The narrator went on:
“At what times, on the other hand, did I perhaps compromise my principles, and fail to be really honest, really truthful?
When things get difficult we will remember what Jesus said. So as you listen to the scripture passage again, just think of a time when you felt isolated or alone; a time perhaps when you were so caught up in your own feelings that you forgot the presence of God – or the special gift of God’s guiding Spirit.
What do you feel now – now you know that God is present to you – and always has been? Say what you feel – a word of sorrow, or trust, or thanks.”
So that was my Monday. Sometimes God is subtle, I know this. Other times he goes for the clue-by-four to the head.
I don’t doubt the path I’m on but I want to make sure I follow it carefully and do as much good as I can. Now I know He’s got my back and I’m on the right path. I’m one lucky lady today – it’s not every day we get such a direct message from God.