My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. (1 James 19-20)
This past week my social media feed has been filled with post after post after post about the violence committed by the police at protests.
I was filled with rage – to see the police hurting so many people who had done nothing disturbed me to my soul.
I am angry. So very very angry about what’s happening in the world right now.
I have found that a lot of my anger is focused on the president and the GOP senators. It was worst on Monday night when I saw the President holding a bible in front of an Episcopal church. I was filled with rage at him using MY church as a prop. Using the bible as a prop. And then I heard about how the peaceful protestors had been driven from the square just so he could do it.
Oh my friends, I was so incredibly angry.
So I talked to God about it. It took me a long time to turn to God. My anger was keeping me from letting Him in – I was that furious.
When I finally prayed, I let it all out. “God, I’m so angry. I have hate in my heart for Donald Trump and I know that hate is keeping me from You. You told us to love everyone but how can I love a man who caters to racists and is doing everything in his power to destroy the environment and and and….”
I stopped talking and just breathed, trying to find love in my heart for a man I utterly despised.
Then I remembered something my very wise sister had told me years ago.
“I found when I can’t love a person, I have to remember that Jesus loves them as much as He loves me. And that makes it easier.”
My heart and my prayer changed in that moment. Instead I talked to God about how incredible it is that He loves me. I’m a flawed person. I fail to follow Jesus’ teachings. I can wrap that up in “righteous anger” but it’s still a sin. Anything that keeps me from God is not how I should be.
I turned it all over to God right then and there. I acknowledged that He loves Donald Trump just as much as He loves me and those I care about. My hate and anger have no place in my relationship with God – in fact, it was keeping me FROM God.
I gave God my anger. I gave God my wrath. I gave God all of it and asked Him to help me see my way clear of it all and to hold onto that love in the days and weeks ahead.
At that moment, I felt such an incredible feeling of peace and relief. I wept. I thanked God. I praised His name. And I finally slept.
God has shown me how to serve Him best. Now, when I encounter racists and angry people on social media, I reach out a hand to them. I offer them resources to help them understand the issues. I offer to send them books, or to talk to them. I try to give them a safe space to learn. Not all of them have taken me up on it – they cannot see their way past their own anger. But some have and that’s wonderful. I’ve talked with people I’ve never met, and will likely never meet, but they are willing to talk with me and are trying to learn and grow.
I try to meet the world with compassion now. Going by the teachings of Jesus, that’s what I believe He would have done so I’m going to do my best to model that.
I feel like I need to remind you, my friends, that this is what’s working for ME. I cannot tell you what to do. I cannot tell you that your anger is wrong – because the protests seem to be finally opening many eyes to how flawed things are.
I had to let go of my anger because it wasn’t helping me. It was hurting me and others. My path is not the same as yours. We all have to do what we feel called to do.
I’ve stopped going on Facebook and Twitter as much. Instead, I’m reading, walking, hiking, taking pictures, and trying to fill my heart with love. It’s not easy and I’m still stumbling, but with God’s grace, I’m getting better every day.
Father God, thank You for your grace and mercy. Thank You for showing me how my anger and hate was keeping me from you. Please help me to be slow to anger and quick to love others. Please help me reflect Your love back on the world. Amen.